I can't believe my little angel Sonrisa is already one. It's been a while since I've looked at these pictures when she was born. It's bringing back a lot of memories, both good and bad. I remember pushing her out and getting a quick glimpse of her sweet little face while the doctor held her up, but that was about all I got to see of her before they put her on oxygen and rushed her out of the room. I remember the awful feeling I had not knowing what was wrong or if she was going to be okay. When the doctor came in to tell me they were going to life-flight her to another hospital, my heart sunk and I broke down into tears. I just cried and cried and wanted so badly to be able to hold her in my arms. I was so grateful the staff was kind enough to let us into her room just long enough for Jer and my dad to give her a blessing. Jared was so emotional and was having a really hard time so he asked my dad to give the blessing. I love my dad so much! He has always been there when I've needed him and this was no exception. He gave her the most beautiful blessing and I immediately had a feeling of peace come over me. Before we left the room, I remember looking at that tiny little body struggling to stay alive. It brought me a bit of peace knowing that our Heavenly Father was there with her helping her through it all. After the paramedics got her intubated, they brought her into my room so I could look at her one more time before she left. She was in a plastic box that was about five feet long with tubes and cords going every which way.
Staring through the plastic at her sweet little face was actually the first really good look I had been able to have with her. I didn't want her to go. I knew they were going to take good care of her, but I wanted to be there with her holding her hand, whispering in her ear that she would be okay. I was so scared watching them wheel her away not knowing what was going to happen. Jared was able to go out with her and watch her fly away. The first couple of days she was at St. Mark's, all we could do was look at her and gently place our hand on her leg. They said in cases like hers it was best to have no stimulation whatsoever. On the third day I finally got to hold her for the very first time. It felt so good having her in my arms. I really felt like I was holding an angel. I only got to hold her for a few minutes, but I enjoyed those minutes thoroughly! For the next two weeks we were only allowed in the NICU for half an hour every three hours for her feedings. It was really hard having to leave her there after only being with her for half an hour, then having to come back again to do it again. For the first week or so, she was too weak to eat from a bottle so a lot of the time they just tube fed her and on those feedings they didn't want us to disturb her sleeping. So we would just sit with her and watch her sleep for half an hour and then gently kiss her and say good bye. At the time it seemed like a nightmare that was never going to end but now, a year later, it's just a short-lived memory. I am so grateful for the all the doctors and especially the nurses (because they did most of the caring for) that helped my little Sonrisa. She has the sweetest personality and she brings so much joy to my life. Her name fits her perfectly! She has the most beautiful smile and puts a smile on everybody's face she meets. I love you, little angel baby Sonrisa! Happy 1st Birthday!